Change Your Life: From Wishful Thinking to Wishful Doing

Dr. Ja'Bette Lozupone

I’d like to extend a warm welcome to my blog and the Wishful Doing community. This is post número uno for your girl! If you’ve found your way to this page, welcome. I’m excited to take this journey with you. Very quickly, here’s how I got here. After realizing that I’m known by my friends, family and colleagues for getting “sh*t” done, I began thinking about how I could bottle the secret juju of my personal and professional success to help others reach their full potential. If you want to change your life, you need to move from wishful thinking to wishful doing.

This blog and my company have been in the works since I was born. No. Seriously! All of my experiences since birth have led me to this very moment, where I can share my expertise with all of you. Have you ever experienced the joy of finding something that you didn’t know you needed? That’s how I feel about this community. I hope you feel at home here and that you, too, discover that this blog is exactly what you needed! If you’re wanting to change your life, you’ve come to the right place! Here’s a big bear hug from me to you.

I know this seems random, but stay with me. Have you seen the 2008 film Slumdog Millionaire? Don’t worry if you haven’t. It’s the perfect analogy for the foundation of what I’m going to share with you. Check it out if you haven’t seen it! The film’s message is right on and is worth two hours of your time. But just in case that’s a hard pass for you, I’ll summarize the big takeaway without giving away too much.

Adversity is the Secret Ingredient

Here’s the deal. Everything in life serves a higher purpose. In Slumdog Millionaire, Jamal—an Indian Muslim from the Juhu Slum of Mumbai—takes you on a journey through a series of flashbacks of his effed up life to illustrate how he’s made it all the way through to the equivalent of the $1M question. Meanwhile, he’s being detained and beaten by police for “presumably” cheating on the show. The big takeaway is this: He was present in every awful and wonderful experience of his life, and by being present and surrendering, he absorbed life’s lessons and leveraged them during this critical inflection point in his life—becoming a millionaire. You can’t reach your destination without the journey.

I remember having a powerful a-ha moment while watching the film. It was like holding up a mirror to remind me to keep going in the face of my own adversity. The movie is an excellent example in how the good, bad, and ugly experiences of our beautiful, complicated, painful and messy lives can culminate into an AMAZING life—if we let it (more on that later). It’s a reminder of the saying, “Illegitimi non carborundum”—a mock-Latin aphorism often translated as “Don’t let the bastards grind you down.”

Find Silver Linings

In other words, no matter the difficulty of your challenges and adversity, finding the silver lining, maintaining a positive mindset, and chasing your purpose can help you sustain putting one foot in front of the other and move through the small (or gigantic) stuff—even if you find yourself reading this post through puddles of tears in the fetal position on the bathroom floor cursing your ex-husband’s name.

Much in the same way, the universe demanded that I move through incredibly traumatic experiences, and more than my fair share of punishing adversity in order to live the life I have always imagined for myself. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t wish trials and tribulations on anyone. I wouldn’t wish my most painful experiences on even my worst enemies. However, the reality is that life is messy. Good and bad days are guaranteed. In Spanish there is the saying, “No hay mal que por bien no venga.” The literal translation is that without bad, no good can come. In other words, there are always silver linings. It’s up to you to find them and put them to good use.

To keep it real with you, I’m certainly not where I want to be yet. I emphasize the yet because life is a moving target and every old goal is replaced with a new goal. Smaller dreams are traded in for bigger dreams. I’m continuously reminded that God’s dream for me is bigger than I can dream for myself. So, while I still have so very far to go, I am eons away from where I started and life is good. Side note: If you panicked because I said the G word, take a deep breath. Replace the word with what feels right (e.g., creator, universe, mother earth, etc.)—I learned this from a dear friend of mine who shutters at the G word, and I don’t want to lose you before we get to the good stuff.

Have Faith

The reason you’re here, after all, is to start self-actualizing and change your life, right? The key is that you must have faith in something—even if only yourself. Otherwise, the magic doesn’t work. You must BELIEVE all is possible. And it is! You CAN change your life. So, surrender (this gets back to what I mentioned earlier about letting go) in order to make space for an amazing life.

If you already believe all is possible, congratulations! You are well on your way and you’ve found the perfect community to support you in your self-actualization. If you’re poo-pooing this right now, I encourage you to reconsider. I’ve included some tools and tips that a novice or devout believer in all things possible can do to deepen the connection with self and the energy that surrounds us all. This exercise is also the perfect reset when we need to restore harmony in our lives. I firmly believe—and know—that the universe conspires to assist you when you align your beliefs, intentions and practices. What I am going to share with you is the rock solid foundation for turning your dreams into reality so that you can change your life.

Get Started with This Free 30-Day Challenge

Align Your Beliefs, Intentions, and Practices

I recommend reciting these affirmations multiple times a day. For example, you can post a copy in the bathroom to recite them every morning and evening to start and end your day with self-love. You can also go one step further by printing and keeping a copy on your person to recite midday or to use as a life raft when you need to be soothed, reassured or as a quick pick-me-up. You should recite your beliefs, intentions, and practices aloud. Experiment with reciting them in front of a mirror or as part of a quick meditation. Here’s a Jumpstart My Wishful Doing – Freebie of the affirmations for you to print and refer to every day (I love a freebie!).

Affirmations to Jumpstart Wishful Doing and Change Your Life

Channel Your Beliefs

Abundance. “There is plenty of money, love, and joy to go around for me to live the life I’ve always imagined living.”
My innate power. “I am powerful and I can use my power at my will to make good things happen for me and my life.”
The power of the universe. “The Universe wants me to use my gifts to improve my life and the life of others and will conspire to assist me when I channel my beliefs, set my intentions, and engage in daily practices.”

Set Your Intentions

Be present. “I will be present and engage in active observation to take stock of the world around me and my feelings.”
Be grateful. “I am grateful for ________________.”
Be at peace. “I am at peace because the universe is in control and I am always exactly where I am supposed to be and I am on my path toward living the life I want.”

Engage In Daily Practices (It’s play time!)

Mind. “I will learn something new today by ______________ for ___ minutes.”
Body. “I will move my body today by ________________ for ___ minutes.”
Spirit. “I will nurture my soul today by ________________ for ___ minutes.”

Tips to Succeed with This Challenge

I recommend breaking your day into four chunks (morning, midday, afternoon, and evening). This is for a couple of reasons. You can choose to practice the following affirmations in any or all of the ways listed below:

You can schedule individual or multiple affirmations during parts of your day that feel organic and most beneficial.
If, come nighttime, you feel like you dropped the ball and the day is lost, you can still make the most of your evening before lights out.
When things get a little dicey and everything that can go wrong feels like it’s going wrong, chalk it up to a challenging afternoon, evening, etc. That way you can still bask in the joy that occurred in other parts of your day. Practice believing that other parts of your day will be better or express gratitude for an earlier part of your day.

Tips for Filling In the Blanks (And Living More Pleasantly)

It’s the little things that have a significant impact on improving our mood, day, marriage, life, etc. You don’t have to commit to grandiose things in order to change your life. In fact, you will be way more effective if you take baby steps and focus on even the smallest joys. For example, you might express gratitude for no traffic in the morning and, as a result, an enjoyable commute. Or it could be the 20 minutes of solitude while the kids took a nap. It could even be your wife remembering to take her clothes out of the dryer. There is not a thing too small to be grateful for.

Get specific with your daily practices. Even committing just five minutes for each activity will improve your well-being so that you can begin living your best life and developing your stamina for “doing.” Don’t look at these activities as a chore. Look at the activities as opportunities for playtime and to indulge in some well-deserved “me” time. Mind practices should be intellectually stimulating. Body practices should stimulate and challenge the body. Lastly, spirit practices should minimize distractions, heed the mind, body, soul connection, and stimulate your consciousness. The best way to nourish your soul is through some form of meditation. This New York Times article is a great resource to get started.

Stay the Course

It’s important to get into the habit of carving out time for these affirmations every day. Drifting away—for even just one day—has the potential to derail you. No joke. Drift kills creativity, productivity, progress, and dreams. Depending on where you are with your mental, physical, and spiritual journey, once a day might be sufficient. But I caution that if you’re new to this mindset, you must be more consistent in your practice because of the resistance you will undoubtedly encounter.

Your journey might require you to breakdown persistent childhood trauma, limiting beliefs, and more. It’s not unheard of for individuals to cry or experience emotional distress, on occasion, when channeling their beliefs [Yes, this has happened to me]. This is because, as human beings, we tend to beat ourselves up worse than any bully ever could. Even worse, we can get extremely cozy in that bad space. The bad space is where self-loathing and self-pity lives. It’s where your ego relishes in chastising you for any thought that even entertains the idea of bringing about joy and confidence in your life.

The Seed Is Planted

WOOHOO! You are on your way to moving from wishful thinking to wishful doing!! Believe in your dreams and your capacity to bring them to fruition. Believe that you can change your life. I’m serious. Henry Ford famously said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, your right.” I agree and know this to be true. What is more important to you? Being right or living the life you want? Choose the latter option. You will live a happier more satisfying life if you do—especially as you make your dreams come true.

So, get to it! Find a new recipe and channel your inner Julia Child. Do a quick five-minute hit of bedtime yoga (Yoga with Adriene is my favorite). Grab that book that’s been collecting dust for years and read it, even if for only five minutes. Go play and have fun!